****This was originally posted on 1/11/15***
So, I have to admit this is not my first blogging attempt. I think I’ve had 3 or 4 others that I abandoned at some point between graduating from Pepperdine and the present day. And I’m not even counting Newlywed Shakespeare and the long hiatus I took from that when I got pregnant and the first months after I had my baby.
I have, however, been very successful with journaling. I journaled faithfully from the last semester of high school through my first semester of grad school both in online journals and good old-fashioned physical journals. I love looking back at what I wrote and remembering things I might otherwise forget (or cringing at things I wish I could forget) and then marveling at the growth I have made or a piece of wisdom that I had no idea was so wise at the time (I’ll show my hand early, I tend to think that wisdom is NOT from me…)
After I fell in love, the journaling kind of stopped. I think because I was focusing a little less on me for the first time in my life, but also because usually when I have something I want to work through or mull over, the things I’m not quite ready to share with friends that I would have put in personal journals… now I tell those things to my husband. And usually we work through them together. Or he suggests someone who might have better perspective than him to talk with on a given subject.
But blogging… is different. I mean, you CAN set blogs to private settings but that seems kind of antithetical to the whole blog thing. And the public aspect of the blog is part of why I’m making myself do this. I spent a lot of time a few years ago giving way too much care to what others thought about me. I am still vigilant about what goes on Facebook and am constantly re-evaluating how I use social media. On the one hand, I think it will be good to make myself a bit vulnerable. Whether I ever hear from them or not, I have no doubt that some people might disagree or judge me for what I write about. On the other, I kind of feel like this is the next step in realizing that I am responsible for my life and my decisions and I like it that way. There’s an anonymous quote that is ALL OVER PINTEREST that says:
That’s what I think blogging is going to do for me: Make me realize which decisions I love, and which decisions I’m pretty lukewarm about and which I feel passionate about but still need some bravery to share. I have ideas for posts that are intimidating and I think those posts are going to be good for me when I finally work up the courage to publish them.
When thinking about what I wanted this year and this blogging project to be, I thought maybe I shouldn’t include the “baby” aspect and instead stay completely private about family life and save that for a private journal. But you know what? I LOVE the decision I’ve made to start a family and in a world that can be overwhelmingly cynical about marriage and parenthood, I think part of the brilliance I’m aiming for in 2015 is showing that family can still be a shining light. Even if they sometimes make you crazy and won’t let you sleep.
So there you go. A little bit of background on my blogging past and why it is now part of my present. I’m not sure where all this will go, but it feels good to be writing again.