My Wonderful Son,
Last Mother’s Day I was standing up as your uncle’s confirmation sponsor and anxiously counting down the days to your arrival. I wasn’t quite in that end of pregnancy people are afraid to come near you because they think you might give birth on them or something phase, but I was definitely in the final month and feeling it. It was hard for me to get through the day without feeling completely exhausted and even harder for me to imagine what life would be like with you out in the world, helping me celebrate my first official Mother’s Day the next year.
Well, a year has flown by and here we are again. You have taught me so much this year. Some were lessons I have been trying to learn for a long time and will need you to keep teaching me. Things like how OK it is not to be perfect, what’s really important to me, and how little it takes to make a ridiculously happy moment. Other lessons I expected but did not look forward to: what it means to be compelled to really sacrifice at an uncomfortable level, how hard it is to find a work/life balance, that intense pain does not last forever and I can handle it, that sleep deprivation can make it hard to succeed at anything or to keep unkind words from escaping my mouth, and that time goes much too fast. Still others I did not expect, such as how I am more materialistic than I thought, how hard it is to childproof (it looked so simple!), how to start taking better care myself and that such self care is not selfish but life sustaining, and a whole new vocabulary and skill set of babywearing awesomeness.
Thank you for making me a mom. Thank you for the toothless grins, the babbling, the absurd moments, the opportunities to revisit my favorite childhood books and songs, and the need to sit still and be sometimes which is something I have always ignored or felt guilty for in the past.
Thank you for this time when you need me, even when that need is exhausting. On days I feel like a failure, you still need me, you still snuggle up, and I think about how in the end, I’m doing just fine. Thank you for the new feelings, thoughts, and experiences that have made my life and my artistic work that much richer. Thank you for giving your dad and I so many opportunities to grow closer to each other and fall more in love, even though so many people told us or implied that your presence would mean the honeymoon period of our marriage would be over. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to once again be reminded by how many people love us and support us and are excited for us and our little family.
You are such a gift this Mother’s Day and every other day. You are my bright particular star and I can’t wait to celebrate your birth later this month.
Thanks for making me not just a mom, but YOUR mom.
Now go tell your dad I’m ready for a Mother’s Day espresso!