I don’t do it all, My life is a mess.

I have several posts halfway drafted that time has prevented me from posting. So if there’s suddenly a flood of posts, you’ll know why. But for now, I wanted to write a post addressing the fact that several people have asked me since starting this blog how I “do it all” and I wanted to make it very clear: I don’t.

There are huge sections or periods of my life that are a total mess. When I’m rocking out rehearsals, my house often ends up a bit of a disaster zone and then we play catch up once the show starts. When I spend a day focused on my toddler, my writing and prep work for shows doesn’t get done. When it does get done- it’s because I have serious back up from my husband, my community, or both. So maybe the answer is that while yes, I do MANY things (maybe too many?) I certainly don’t do them all at once.

For the most part, I don’t write about the really hard times on my blog. That’s not because I’m trying to hide them or hope to be perceived as perfect (I find much more inspiration from my imperfections such as in this post and this post!) but because in the hardest moments I don’t have time or the emotional  capacity to write about it. In fact, odds are good that if I’m managing to write a post, my bad time is already swinging towards better because the very act of writing is healing for me. So perhaps those omissions  leave a false impression which I hope this post will help dispel.

If you follow my blog, you know we’ve taken on a TON all at once in the last few months. Much of our stuff is still in boxes, though we are attacking that one box at a time. I was getting really depressed about our empty white walls and it took me breaking down crying for my husband and I to make it a priority to put some pictures up. That little action has gone a long way towards making our house look more like a home. I was a mess… but in that moment was too busy trying to attack 50 things at once instead of slowing down and writing a blog post.

This week has been hard because my phone is basically out of commission and the support groups I would usually text during the day are no longer easy to get ahold of. It’s also crunch time on our next show and it feels like little additional stresses keep coming up every day that we didn’t anticipate. My husband is so good about letting these roll off his back, but it is much much harder for me. I have to consciously put a ton of effort into praying, breathing, and moving on. It is by no means a natural state to keep going instead of obsessing over how on earth we’re going to accommodate and wanting to know the answers RIGHT NOW instead of tackling one thing at a time. Writing helps too because I can’t type 50 things at once, I have to pick one.

That focus helps so much. And so the mess is there, but it’s not the end of the story. So I don’t have a neat and tidy conclusion to this post. Just looking forward to feeling less overwhelmed and knowing that that day is coming SOON… I just have to push through some of the icky feelings now and remind myself along with everyone else that I don’t and I can’t do it all.

emphasis on GIANT this week…

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