I have written in several entries how much I struggle with perfectionism and how hard I am working to overcome that source of stress and unhappiness. Because of that, it is often extremely hard for me to ask for or accept help, even when I need it most.
In the spirit of making sure I was taking care of myself so I could take care of my family, I promised myself that this time around I would accept more help during my postpartum recover time and that I would not feel guilty for taking time to adjust and just learn how to take care of my daughter.
It’s a good thing I made that promise, because I didn’t realize how much I would truly need the help that was offered to me. I was warned over and over when pregnant that, when it comes to kids, “one is one and two is ten” but until you are in it you don’t really register that twice the kids is definitely more than twice the work…
And while I still had moments of guilt- especially since many things about this time around WERE easier (not being a first time mom, easier physical recovery thanks to a quicker delivery, etc.) but in other ways I feel like a first time mom again (how do you give enough attention to your older child while dealing with what feels like the all consuming task of caring for a newborn? How on earth is nursing a baby this difficult and how long do I want to keep going since I was done by this point last time? ETC.) and thanks to that feeling, those offers of help I thought would be mental health bonuses soon became lifesavers.
We’ve had so many sweet friends bring us meals, or cute outfits, or offer words of encouragement, and that has made this first month as a family of four run so much better and happier. We are grateful beyond words.
And seeing our community care for us has given me the much needed reminder to care for myself. So I’d like to amend my old post on self care for the new mama and put “accept help” as the first item on the list.
Whether you are a parent or not, I hope this post encourages you to ask for and accept help when you need it. It will refuel you and give you an even greater drive to pay the good deeds forward in the future. And in hindsight, I realize that it was my pride that kept me from asking for and accepting more help the first time. So I’m calling this greater capacity for humility a win on several fronts. Now here’s hoping this isn’t a lesson I have to re-learn in the future…