I might decide to delete this later, but as I sit down to write this post with very limited time all I can think about is “Mommy guilt”- or, to be more specific, things that are objectively pretty ridiculous to feel bad about but that have at some point caused me mental agony since my becoming a mom or becoming a mom of two.*Taking a shower- this is possibly the most ridiculous of all. I’m confident my husband never feels guilty for basic hygiene, even if it happens while the baby cries. But I have and I’ve rushed through feeling awful the whole time just to run out and see what chaos the toddler has caused or if the baby has cried herself into hiccups, etc. Is it the widespread image of the sleepless unbathed mother that has me feeling like this should be normal? I don’t know, but I know it is crazy talk to feel guilty for showering.
*Eating… and also not eating…: So here’s the deal, nursing is a whole new ballgame for me (enough of a new ballgame that I’m planning to write a whole other post on it but I need a little more time and perspective first…) but if I forget to eat and don’t consume enough calories, my supply goes down. If I eat subpar food, I eel bad. And if I eat while nursing my baby because it’s the only time it is realistically going to happen I feel HORRIBLE when I inevitably drop food on her.
*Going out… and not going out. I had to miss SO MANY THINGS (especially various theatrical events) over the course of my pregnancy that I feel so antsy to jump back in and so guilty that it will probably be a few more months before I’m ready to go out. And with one car and extra doctor appointments and the added difficulty of needing care for two children instead of one that should be understandable. But I also feel guilty at the moment when I DO choose to go out. I’m still getting the hand of nursing in public and I’m always nervous about if I’m going to be able to wrangle my active toddler while taking care of the baby- a task that is hard even with my husband in tow, let alone when I am outnumbered and doing things like forgetting someone’s shoes or leaving my car door open! Not to mention in my zombie state I’m pretty sure I am pretty sure I’ve done some clueless social faux pas and forgotten to answer at least half the questions people ask me without even realizing it.
And these are just a small sampling of examples… there are so many other little things that cross my mind that I think I should be doing better or doing more or maybe not doing at all.
So why am I writing this? Because on the rare times I get a few hours alone on weekends I have time enough to process things and realize I need to STOP THIS MADNESS. I’m doing my best. I’m keeping my kids alive. And for everything there is a season- the guilt is just a small part of all the really great things in this season and I’m not going to dwell on it… I just had to get it out of my head before I was ready to move on…
Tell me I’m not alone in this?