To those whose holidays aren’t feeling merry or bright:

Sometimes I worry that my blog gets a little schmaltzy. I’m a passionate person and I have always had intense feelings- both on the positive and negative spectrum. I just do a whole lot of feeling. I’m sensitive to joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain. That being said, I don’t think I’m alone in LOVING this time of year and all the Christmas traditions and merriment. It is truly a magical time of refocusing and rejoicing. I want to talk about a Christmas where things felt neither calm nor bright. Continue reading

Bardology: Tempest Begins + The Next Alphabet Shakespeare

Mini post today because it’s that kind of month and I am BECOMING better at giving myself some grace for the things that don’t get done as perfectly as i would wish or if not as much gets marked off my to do list.
So two major Shakespeare related things are happening in my life right now (three if you count Taming auditions but that is SUPER LOOSELY shakespeare related so I’ll wait until we get into rehearsals to talk about it): Continue reading

You Can’t Fake a Deep Breath

In an earlier blog post, I mentioned Kristin Linklater’s awesome quote on how holding your breath makes part of you absent. I think that observation is one of the intimidating things about activities that make you take deep breaths and truly be present- acting, yoga, birth, prayer, rest (not just sleeping but sabbath day take a break or a vacation conscious rest…). All of these activities make me recognize my own humanity, my frailty, my imperfections. Continue reading

Holy Week and Lessons from my Baby

Even though it’s April already (how did that happen?!?!) I wanted to write one more entry geared toward belief as we head toward the triduum of Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and the Easter Vigil. I wanted to share some ways that having a baby has changed the way I’ve started to think about my relationship with God. There are a lot of parent/child comparisons in the Bible, referring to God as a heavenly father and I don’t think I was ever really comfortable with them and never really understood them until I had my own child and felt the immense love I do now,

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I can’t contain all the love I feel for this little guy!!!

the willing sacrifices every day with no expectation that my son “deserve” or “earn” them. Continue reading

Stories, Love, and Redemption

I haven’t been writing as much as it’s been a busy few weeks with lots of thoughts and changes, plus lots of contemplation as we lead up to holy week, so in continuing my acceptance of the imperfect, I’m just going to throw out something specific that has been on my mind. My generation is criticized a lot for how much TV we watch. We are the beginning of the digital, screen obsessed culture and we have found solace from our dismal job prospects in binge-watching Netflix. However, television (and streaming it online) is just a more recent medium of comforting ourselves through stories, something we’ve done for ages, right?

Continue reading

Belief: Lenten update

I have been having a tough time this Lent. I knew I would. As I said in my Ash Wednesday post, it’s easier for me to pick something concrete to give up or add, but focusing and reflecting and taking time to be a better disciple is much, MUCH harder. I’ve been spending most of my time grappling with crippling perfectionism, a struggle I bump up against again and again since becoming a parent. This month’s theme was belief and as the month draws to a close, I realize I didn’t write about it that much. It’s hard for me to write these kind of entries, mostly because I am wary of communicating deeply held spiritual beliefs and struggles via this medium. I don’t mind having long talks about it in person,where I can see reactions and more easily clarify thoughts.  Continue reading

Brilliance: Pearls of Wisdom…

Today is the birthday of one of my favorite teachers from high school- Judith Grimes Priebe- affectionately called GP or “Jeep” by some of her students. She passed away in 2010 during my second year of graduate school and the reaction was huge. over a thousand girls organized a Facebook event to share our memories and favorite pieces of wisdom from her. GP taught AP psychology to Xavier seniors. She was instrumental in me choosing Pepperdine over ASU and she had a number of life lessons that I and many many others still think about and hope to pass on to others. When I talk about wanting this to be a year of brilliance, I think of GP and not only of her genius, but of her great light that she let shine for all to see.

So without further delay, a few pearls of wisdom and why I love them:

ON BEING HUMAN: Continue reading

Feminism, Mommy Guilt, and my problem with #sorrynotsorry

So, we’re still in the season of Lent. It’s a season of reflection as I wrote about before, but it’s also about repentance- about calling to mind sins and patterns of selfishness, saying sorry, and amending what wrongs we can. I’ve been taking some time out to journal and reflect and pray during this season, and one of the many things I’ve realized is that I say sorry for a lot of things I shouldn’t need to and I don’t say sorry for a lot of things I ought to. That’s because I AM sorry for a lot of things I shouldn’t be, for ridiculous guilt I carry around while I am often complacent or remiss in noticing the things I should be sorry for..

Don Draper has plenty of things to be sorry for, and they don’t include having to use the restroom…

This is by no means a revolutionary idea. There have been several articles and a whole ad campaign on the specific phenomenon of women apologizing like crazy and how we are ingrained the idea that we should take the blame for things. I am definitely caught in this pattern.

Here is a list of things I have caught myself apologizing for just since Lent started: Continue reading

Beauty and Belief

I didn’t get a chance to write this post Saturday to wrap up the month of “beauty” because I spent most of the day helping one of my closest high school friends get ready for her wedding and then helping her celebrate. .. And that’s kind of perfect because there are few things in life with more concentration of beauty than weddings. Weddings take a lot of crap, and sometimes with some good reasons since the “wedding industry” can certainly be absurd and there are some potentially problematic signals it sends to people whose vocation may not be marriage, but allow me for a second to gush about why I believe weddings are kind of amazing and all sorts of beautiful.

katherine wedding

Photo by Millie Holloman

kala wedding

Photo by Leah Vis

I have been to many weddings in the past ten years. (I’ve been IN many weddings in the last ten years…) and I won’t lie, I sometimes wondered, especially when I was in school and taking on debt while not making any money, if the expense of travel and already short supplied time were worth it. Before I experienced my own wedding I wondered if the bride and groom in all the excitement of becoming husband and wife would really even remember who was there. But they do. And you remember if you were there too. I can hands down say that every road trip, terrible plane ride, and penny were worth it to help support the unions of people I love. And I still remember the weddings I didn’t make, and feel good knowing it was unavoidable and not for temporary reasons like money. I remember who was at my wedding.
Who I danced with, moments when I caught their eye during our ceremony and saw their smiles, how it felt to see their hands extended in blessing and prayer. I remember who couldn’t be there and the love they sent and how much I know they wanted to share the day. Continue reading