Celebrating Life

I celebrated my birthday a week ago. Since then I’ve had a lot of people ask me how it was and my response has either been the tongue in cheek “as good as it could possibly be given the world right now” or the more direct and more honest, “Highly emotional” It was weird. I’ll remember it forever. And I hope that the best case scenarios come to pass and I won’t have to have a “socially distant” birthday again next year. Continue reading

Prenatal Anxiety Part 2: Fighting for Fun in a Hormone Induced Hurricane

I wrote this post very shortly after coming home from the hospital last month- before the COVID-19 pandemic had really escalated. In light of that I debated taking a break from posting, but then I wondered if maybe my anxiety coping mechanisms could help people out as we all go through this anxious time… I certainly find myself needing to use them again as I struggle to get through the fear of how long this will last, how bad it will be, and how uncertain everything feels- no clue what is next. So I’m publishing it today and hoping it doesn’t sound too tone deaf given how quickly our world seems to have changed…

In my last post, I wrote about how in all three of my pregnancies I struggled with prenatal anxiety, but the way I dealt with that anxiety changed as I learned more about what prenatal anxiety was, what it meant for me, and how I might deal with it given my choice to have more children. This post talks about some of the ways I “dealt with it” during this last pregnancy…

*Just like in my last post, I do list some specific fears and anxieties in this post so it could be triggering for others suffering from anxiety or those who have been through miscarriage or infant loss* Continue reading

Prenatal Anxiety Part 1: Pregnancy Guilt

I promise after the next few pregnancy and post partum posts I’ll move on to a lighter note, but first it’s time to dig in to the more emotional side… I’ve been hesitant to write these thoughts because I don’t want my 3rd kid (or any of my kids!) to read this one day and think that I didn’t want them, but I know that the fear and shame I still feel around what I know is a much more common occurrence than people talk about is exactly why I need to write this post.

*In this post I do list some specific fears and anxieties, so it could be triggering for others suffering from anxiety or those who have been through miscarriage or infant loss* Continue reading

You Can’t Fake a Deep Breath

In an earlier blog post, I mentioned Kristin Linklater’s awesome quote on how holding your breath makes part of you absent. I think that observation is one of the intimidating things about activities that make you take deep breaths and truly be present- acting, yoga, birth, prayer, rest (not just sleeping but sabbath day take a break or a vacation conscious rest…). All of these activities make me recognize my own humanity, my frailty, my imperfections. Continue reading